I had one of those hard mornings at 5 am when a thought we don't like gets caught in a cycle. I think you all know what I mean. I'll just say briefly I blame myself for getting a dear cat I had hit by a car and decades later, I occasionally still get miserable about it, feeling regret, huge sadness for his innocence and affectionate nature. With sweet serendipity (or maybe not?), I read something this morning about shaking things off (related to the last quarter moon), like literally shaking water off your back, like a dog would. Get up and move and shake. In my dark early morning, I'd thought "you always read that you have to grieve something to truly move past it," but it's not always clear how to do that, enough that we chew, process and digest it. Accepting that we'll do things we regret, make choices that in hindsight seem faulty, can be hard! It can be a "challenge to let things be messy." How do we convert grief into growth?
I don’t know if I’ve posted about doing card draws. I like to do that with the phases of the moon. It helps me reflect, get out of myself and deeper into myself, rethink, recalibrate. I particularly like the old book for Faeries Oracle cards by Jessica MacBeth. The cards are great but the books is the best part, to me. This morning I drew Singers of Initiation and Intuition and The Dark Lady. They turned out a perfect reading for this moment. I’m going to share some of it because it’s about processing the past, regret, etc… and clearing the way for the new which might help others, too.
Starting the card read, I felt particularly open, raw and vulnerable in ways that allow things to go deep, I think. I guess I need to add “hungry” in there. Initiation is a passage through trial, leading to breakthrough, in a time of both change and challenge, It can open us to new realms of possibility. Deep lessons can be applied to new moments of discomfort. Intuition, with awareness, can give us needed information illumination, insight. And the Dark Lady. Well, in the early morning, I knew I needed to drop into the dark to process that past experience. Bringing something to light, surrendering to the messiness of the memory, can bring rebirth, restoration, regeneration. This passage through what’s difficult and accepting can allow inflow of vital energy and life force with the new self-knowledge. An inner peace.
I liked how the card draw sort of started and ended with passage. I don’t know if initiation is happening, if I’m truly allowing the messiness, accepting what is, that I’m not infallible, and mostly having the tools. I’d rather grow through it than compartmentalize or detach.
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Marie Judson 